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| Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash |
Expectations are the enemy of reality. They rarely, if ever, match up. To compound matters, expectations are often silently held. When expectations aren’t met, reality bites and disappointment or resentment can result.
What are they?
An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case. They are often based on past experiences or things you’ve read, seen or heard over time.As a manager, you may have expectations of your organisation, department or team. Of course, your team, manager, peers, stakeholders and collaborators probably have expectations of you. That's a lot of expectation flying around!
I struggled with my expectations as a manager for a long time. “Your expectations are too high” is feedback that used to confound and frustrate me no end. What’s the answer then? Low expectations!?
I wrestled with this for longer than I’d like to admit. The thought of having to show up every day with artificially low expectations depressed and demotivated me no end. Then it dawned on me.
It’s not about low expectations, it’s about having NO expectations!
OK, but how?
When it clicked for me that expectations themselves were the problem, my mood shifted and I saw things quite differently. My job as a manager made sense again. OK, but how can I be a good manager with no expectations?Replace expectations with agreements instead
Manage your own expectations
- Set aside some quality time to think, or find a trusted colleague to talk to
- Think about a person or project and say or write down “I expect….”
- Pay close attention to the expectations you express
- Now go and talk to people so you can turn these expectations into agreements instead
These days I try to remain aware and catch expectations before they take hold. Tell tale signs to look out for are the use of "should" and "must" as these have expectations lurking underneath them. Look for these words in other people too and explore what expectations they're hiding.
Manage other people’s expectations
- Literally ask people ‘what are your expectations of x’ (substitute x for ‘me’ or ‘this situation’ or ‘this project’ etc) and listen closely to how they answer
- Connect the expectation with reality by clearly stating whether or not it will be met
- If you're saying no, let people down gently with “because….” but keep it short and to the point
- Turn their expectations into agreements and find acceptable ways to hold each other accountable
What if things change?
Uncovering expectations and turning them into agreements is an ongoing process. Stay curious, be accountable and keep communication open.----------------------------------------------------------